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[Nov. 26th, 2009|05:37 am] |
It is early and my eyes and ears are hyper-sensitive, 4:34.
I don't know where to start, various thoughts, usual par I think. My mind is flooded.
Thanksgiving morning. Crvsr has to work today. She lies in bed and I have not taken the dogs yet for a walk. I cannot be certain I really want to be up yet.
I am trying to adhere to a routine,which for me for some uncertain amount of time, will be to get up unconscionably early, owing to a temp job I have taken. I won't get into that now. It has less than admirable hours, but that is that. That is all I can say for that now. Tabeeko the cat is up with me. I thought, well take the dogs out, on a usual morning they would be right up with me, but I left them in the room. I cannot be as quiet as Crvsr can in the morning. Tabeeko stares at me and sits at my feet.
Lately it is as if this cat wants to do nothing but eat. Look -- I cannot play with her now and if I were to, the only "toy" she really has is that wand of shimmery, shiny strands which is and has been out on the balcony. Every toy she has is and will always be consumed and ruined by the dogs. Yes even the shimmery wand toy is suspect. Lately, Tabeeko even tries to play with the glow in the dark dog ball, but god forbid she runs after it and perhaps draws it into her fat belly to attack in that cradled back-paws flurry, the dogs would soon be all over her. Usually I will roll it across the floor and if the dogs are not immediately interested in it she will give it that intense beginning run immediate casual drop off of interest finish, as if acknowledging the dogs with that " Oh -- right -- you guys are still here." cessation of interest.
I am feeling kind of tired,not fully awake and in a limbo. I awoke and Daisy was in some uncomfortable ( for me ) position. Sleeping with her, not so much Dash, but her can be a very uncomfortable affair, as if you are sleeping with a warm bag of sand in your bed. She is unmovable and yet during the night will adjust herself into positions one might only be able to classify, in regard to effect on humans, as "Chiropractor Prep." So -- I am up.
Sometimes I will wake up with ideas, and yet I cannot spring up and get them down: I have this comic-y piece I am working on that at once I know is important to me, yet too, conspicuously exists to me, in full glare as a project that will not garner me, I imagine ever, any cash. Things are all about cash now in some respect but my skewed thinking in that regard, my flawed methodology and execution lends this to be a frustrating affair.
Note: I don't know what the neighbors are doing but it sounds like someone is wrestling furniture somewhere within the confines of this 4 apartment configuration. Who the fuck is that and what the fuck are they doing so damned noisily at 4:52 AM? Is it the mystery guy down to the bottom right who we never see? Is it Sweet? I don't think it is Captain Peru.
I hate feeling tired but not tired. I think I could fall asleep on the couch right here if left to lie in this semi-silence. Sometimes I will get up and simply have ideas in the night -- and must write them down -- this currently feels like one of those situations. It can often happen if I have had more than the recommended amount of sugar or food too late in the evening, which I foolishly did.
Now Courvoisier's alarm is going off. She, as a rule, sets her alarm to go off an hour before she has to really awaken, doing a sleep button dance.
I did not want to wake her up-up this morning. Man -- I hate this feeling a combination -- stop. Normally to lessen this feeling, the one now most certainly identifiable as having eaten too late last evening, I will shower. If I become too noisy or noticably awake, Dash will get up and go off the bed and on the bed, Daisy she will stay in bed as long as possible. You have to tug at Daisy to get her out of the bed.
Thanksgiving 2009.
As Crvsr and I walked last night to go and pick up a bottle of wine ( a Shiraz for todays visitation ) ** ** ** ** sleep button pressed || we mentioned in conversation that this was, for some, a night of the year to go out, no work tomorrow! Let's go out and get hammered! Let's go to some fkn club! I remember there were certain clubs I would go to and become my usual fkd up goonish self on the pre-Thanksgiving night. I have grown to look back on the colossal lost period of my 20's so harshly and with disappointment. It was during that time that the pre-Thanksgiving night would "matter." Usually though, I was never one of those cats that really appreciated the Wednesday for the merit others applied: having the next day off. In my ridiculous experience, most days back then were days off.
Hey! Hey! -- no c*ntish self-centered pity talk -- it was what it was -- let me rocket back to what matters -- oh I think that is Mr. Sweet who is making this early morning racket. WTF are you doing bro!!!! Redoing your fkn kitchen?? That guy keep up a spy's appearance and is rarely seen. It sounds like he is furniture wrestling and I fight from going and banging on the wall -- it is too close to Crsvr's actual wake-up. Just keep calm Mark -- ignore that and the cat's plea for food. ** ** ** ** sleep button meow meow meow.
I am alive and awake Thanksgiving 2009.
I am thankful for my terrific girlfriend and friend Crvsr, without whose understanding and love, I can honestly say would position me in some lesser, unknowledgable place. I never knew life would go down as it has and as it stands I dig the "whatever it is she has - that she has - that I like." She has helped me through some quietly difficult stuff and I am not talking obvious shit, like classic, ridiculous stuff which I won't get into now, I am talking little things and via these little micro-lessons I then become less of a oblivious prick, which enables me to be a better person, for her and in the long run, for everyone I come into contact with.
I am thankful for the family and friends we have, both Crvsr and I don't ** ** ** ** sleep button 5:26 think a list is appropriate, this is not some album liner note, some awards speech. Today, when we drive down to have our meal, after Crvsr is done with work, that aspect will be plain.
I am thankful for knowing that my sister has a good life with her family. I think about my nephews and how little they see of me. I can't even imagine having an uncle like me when I was little. I don't know what "like me" is, but I figure the long hair tattoo aspect will serve most as enough of a "Well...." You know even without those classic "differences" I recall that uncles always led to "indicators" anyway. My father's older brother was always the one with the "handshake." He would grind my small hands knuckles together; he was the one with the moustache, he was the one who lived in Jersey.
Crvsr texts me -- " I am going to get up."
( Oh and I did run downstairs to "see what was up." It was T-Sweet,taking out the bins that "got him situated." He apologized. ) |
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